I am afraid of many things with this blog. I am afraid of having to buy an entirely new wardrobe. I am afraid of not having to buy an entirely new wardrobe. I’m afraid of stretch-marks. I’m afraid of never getting to eat mac n’ cheese, cheese enchiladas, or grilled cheese again. I’m terrified of having to swap out pasta for broccoli at an Italian restaurant or only drinking skinny margaritas. I’m horrified at the prospect of becoming one of those girls who stands in front of my eighty-pound-overweight friend and despite the fact that my ribs can be seen through my shirt declares, “oh, I’ve still got twenty pounds to go,” whilst sipping on my latest vegan-cayenne-pepper-shake-crash-diet. I’m afraid that I will somehow become someone else, like I do when my hair’s been straightened (I turn into an incredibly vain beast. I am NEVER allowed to get a Blow Out). But my biggest dread is of the phrase “You look great.” I’m dreading the moment I’ve dropped 5/10/15 pounds and hear, “Oh my God, you look great!” Because regardless of if the well-wisher understands this or not, all I hear is, “Thank God, you were so hideous before.”
And I am guilty of it too. I have certainly said, “well, you look great.” But I tend to backtrack with the even more awkward, “but I think you looked great before.” I’ve found that the best scenario is either to keep quiet entirely or compliment his/her hair. THEN of course there’s the alternatively terrible truth that if I am NOT told “you look great,” I will begin to question why I am not eating grilled cheese and wonder what it’s all for. And this ladies and gentleman is the reason why I have avoided significant weight-loss my entire life and perfectly defines the basis for this project. My worth, identity, and excellent credit rating are not tied to my appearance. It is a part of me and a piece for which I can be proud (especially when my hair is straight), but it is not my entirety. Therefore, as I embark on this project to embrace myself at every stage, weight-loss or neigh, I am determined to ban my fear of those stupid and damaging words, “you look great.”
This Weeks Facts: Weight: 211lbs How do you feel?: I feel a little overwhelmed by this project, but with that so giddy/nervous I might through up kid-before-Christmas kind of excitement. I hope this works. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what else I can do. Small Victory: I went on a five-mile hike and exercised three days in a row. Biggest Disappointment: Thanksgiving leftovers are my weakness. I ate two Thanksgiving meals a day for the whole of the long-weekend. I gained back the two pounds I lost the week before.