I have been dieting since I was about ten years old. I have been on Cabbage Soup, Special K, Atkins, South Beach, 17 Day, Weight Waters, and Slim Fast. It is always the same cycle…
Step 1: Get really excited and start cutting out pictures from magazines of all the clothes I am going to buy when I am thin enough to look pretty in them.
2. Start diet and say to myself “This is amazing! I can already feel the fat melting off of me. I can do this!”
3. Become really hard core. I spent a summer on Weight Watchers eating celery sticks with garlic salt.
4. Begin to wear down. The pounds don’t come off as quickly as I anticipated and real food beckons ever more strongly whilst supported by mantras of “you will never be thin enough…why bother….can you really eat celery with garlic salt forever?”
5. I attempt to ignore the mantras, but eventually I become weakened by their taunting and I slip. It is the smallest of slips, but then it’s an avalanche. Once while on the third month of the 17 Day Diet, (the days go in rounds–the name is misleading), I had lost 20lbs, but then someone dared to put tortilla strips on my carb-free salad. I had a complete breakdown. I devoured the salad and then went home and ate every carb I had been deprived of for three months–in one sitting…which brings us to…
Step 6. Gain back everything I’ve lost, plus another 5-15lbs.
These six steps have been my cycle for nearly two decades and it has to stop. Yes I know what everyone says about “changing small habits” like replacing fried chips with baked. I know that you are supposed to make it a lifestyle. I know about “eating small meals throughout the day.” The thing that I do not know, is how to cook healthy, quick, and budget-friendly meals that actually taste like food I would want to eat. Where’s the “Cup-of-Noodle Lifestyle for the Kira Knightly Waistline?” Is there a healthy food that exists that tastes like, costs as little, and fills you up as well as anything involving a potato?
[I also had a severe blow a few years ago when I found out I was allergic to avocado. The one thing that makes eating healthy delicious is avocado and I am depraved of its butter-alternative goodness.]
All this to say, this time, I am not going on a diet. I am going to succeed in this adventure with one simple change—I am going to decide that I am worthy of self-care. It’s deciding that going for a walk is more nurturing than watching Netflix. It’s telling myself that I am worth cooking a decent meal for. It’s deciding that sugar is not the royal icing of my life—holding everything together and making it beautiful. It’s deciding that I am worthy of more than the habits I’ve formed against myself.
This Weeks Facts: Weight: N/A (Grace week. It’s Christmas. I didn’t weigh-in) How do you feel?: Whatever, Christmas is nearly here–I’ll figure it out at New Years. Small Victory: I went on a walk. Biggest Disappointment: I made a new batch of Christmas cookies. Thing I appreciated about my body this week: I could give hugs to my loved ones. I give great and comforting hugs. Other notes: Happy Holidays!