Off the Wagon

“Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.”

-Anne of Green Gables

In the last two weeks, I have fallen completely off the wagon. Ashley, I will have you know, is doing extraordinarily well. She has exercised every day. She has counted her calories and remained in her limits. She is amazing. Truly, she has struggled for so long thinking that she is incapable of losing weight and she has transformed already. She hates working out more than anyone I know, but she has powered through. I am so proud of her. She has been the world’s greatest partner…but I have abandoned her.

In the last two weeks, my workouts and healthy food choices went straight into the garbage bin. My digression was slow at first and then picked up speed as I began to flee more frequently towards fixing my present troubles with food. I have been having a really difficult time these past two weeks and I’ve been trying to eat my way out of it. Of course it won’t fix it, but it didn’t stop me from trying, so now I feel hopeless and grotesque…

But this week, I am determined to start fresh. As Anne says, “tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.”

Usually when I fall off the wagon, I guilt myself into thinking that there’s no recovery. I convince myself that I was too weak to do it in the first place and I better give up. Not this time. I was knocked down but I’m getting up (feel free to insert Katy Perry lyrics here).  The only thing any of us can do is start over, begin at the beginning, and begin to climb up the mountain again. So that’s what Ashley and I did yesterday. We literally climbed the mountain.

Yesterday, Ashley and I went on an intense hike. I had read the reviews for a hike near our house. It said that it was 1.5 miles and one hour long. It was rated “difficult,” but I said, “eh, we can handle it.”

So we hopped in the car, drove to the foot of the trail, and started our climb. Turns out it was A LOT harder than we anticipated. I have done plenty of hikes before, but this one was insane. It was the steepest mountain I had ever climbed, and I’m from Colorado. What was supposed to be 1.5mi/1hr  pleasure hike turned out to be a 4mi/2.5hr grueling adventure. But we did it. We conquered the mountain.

When we stumble and fall, it’s the easy choice not to get up again. We lose nothing by staying down. We cannot remain fallen. We have to get up. So here I am confessing to you once again that I have none of this figured out, but promising to do the one the that I can do–do better tomorrow.


This Weeks Facts: Weight: 209lbs How do you feel?: Afraid. If I fall off the wagon with this much accountability surrounding me, I’m not sure if I will ever be able to do this    Small Victory: Going on a GIANT hike. Biggest Disappointment: The hike was the only exercise I did this week. Thing I appreciated about my body this week:  I got my first ever migraine last night. It was excruciating. I appreciate that thankfully migraines do not generally plague me and that I am healthy Other notes: read hiking reviews CLOSELY.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. PattiP0414 says:

    “Your mistakes do not define you”. Life happens. The important thing is you are not letting falling off the wagon chain and keep you down.

    Baby Steps. You have this! You can do this. You are so worth it! 😊

    Like

    1. Rachell says:

      Thank you! You’re so kind.

      Liked by 1 person

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