Trekking through the desolate wasteland of Mordor, Frodo and Sam having escaped from the clutches of Shelob, labor their way towards Mt. Doom. Sam, in a final effort, carries Frodo on his back. At last, they stand surrounded by the fires that welded The Ring of Power. Looming above the flames, Frodo holds the ring, prepared to destroy the thing that has been killing him. The thing they have journeyed for months to be rid of. The thing holding all of Middle Earth under the domain of evil. Yet, he is unable to do so. Looking at Sam, Frodo turns away from the fire, and clutches his precious ring to his chest. He cannot be destroy what is destroying him.
I used to judge Frodo for this. I used to be angry at him for being weak. But we all have things in our lives that we know we would be better off without, that we are unable to let go of. We know that we should not click “next episode” twelve times in a row on Netflix. We know that we should not eat basically anything at The Cheesecake Factory. We know that we should not drink the whole bottle of wine in one sitting. And they say that sitting is the new smoking, so even THAT we know we need to do less of. We all have our vices–the things that are killing us that we cannot let slip through our fingers to be consumed by the fires of Mt. Doom. Why is it so hard to let go of something that’s killing us?
For me, it comes down to control. I feel as if I have no control over my life, so I eat to regain control. Does this mean I elect to eat vegetables? Of course not. I had a long day, I deserve Mac and Cheese. I am an adult, dammit, and I will devour this grilled cheese sandwich. I convince myself that I don’t have time to exercise so I binge eat and watch Netflix. Logic? Don’t worry, there is none.
I cannot wrap my head around the fact that eating right and exercising is having TRUE CONTROL instead of having no control over my cravings. Eating whatever I want for a “fun night in” is not a show of free-will but of lack of self-control, which is no control at all. If I want control over my life, I need to take my budget in hand, start making my own lunches, and actually use my gym membership. Taking control over my life is deciding that I am worth fighting for–because if I continue as I am, I am killing myself not-so-slowly. Food can no longer remain my Ring of Power. I need to let go of the thing that is destroying me and embrace the life that I want away from the calories I think I deserve. Life is so much bigger than a slice of pie. It is so much more. I want to be able to live and dance, and enjoy life without the baggage of unhealthy living. So let’s do this together. Let us take our first steps towards the fires of Mt. Doom and destroy this thing before it destroys us.
This Weeks Facts: Weight: IDK, I was sick this week and never got on the scale How do you feel?: Sick. Not like sick of myself, but I have a major sinus infection. I am very ill. Small Victory: Mostly trying to focus on not dying of this cough Biggest Disappointment: Doesn’t matter. I ate anything that didn’t hurt my throat #noregrets Thing I appreciated about my body this week: My immune system Reason I am #embraceablenow: I’m not. No one touch me. Snot everywhere. I’ll get back to you next week.