Swiper No Swiping

I am single. I live in Los Angeles. No one in Los Angeles speaks to one another without the use of a mobile device, therefore as of two weeks ago–I joined Tinder.

For the classy readers amongst us, Tinder is a dating ap connected through your Facebook profile that was originally designed as a “hookup ap,” but has now semi-morphed into a moderately, although not completely, legitimate dating site where people meet the loves of their lives. I know two happy couples, one of whom just got engaged (not Ashley, the other, other engaged couple in my friend group), who met on Tinder.

The basic function of the ap is that someone’s picture comes up and if you like them you “swipe right” and if you don’t you “swipe left.” Now, am I the only one that hears “Swiper No Swiping” every time I go on a swiping spree?…

Dating and Dora should not mix…If this is not proof enough, I would like the record to clearly state—Tinder sucks. I hate it.  There is something truly demoralizing about swiping through a human catalogue for potential romantic partners. After looking at the 400th public restroom selfie, you stop denying that Millennials are the worst generation in history. It merely becomes a fact. Millennials are ridiculous. We are the worst period generation period ever period (bonus if you know what that’s from). We aren’t even classy enough to take selfies in our own bathrooms. Millennials, Tinder, and all combinations thereof are the worst.

Nevertheless, it is my third time attempting Tinder. The first time I deleted it in thirty minutes. Then there was a period of time when I was running the social media for my church and somehow my personal Facebook and the church’s Facebook got mixed, so every time I tried to sign up for Tinder it would sign me up as…the…church….so that kept me off Tinder for a long time.  After I was finally able to download the ap as myself and not a religious organization, I deleted it in three days. Presently, I would have deleted it a week ago, but Ashley has told me that I am not allowed to delete it until I go on one date. And you see, ever since we were eleven, Ashley has had this inane power over me and I automatically do whatever she says or suffer severe and immediate consequences generally created by my own stupidity. I listen to Ashley. It is always best. But now I am stuck on Tinder until the worst happens—I date someone.

But this time on Tinder has been better than most. Why this time particularly?–Because of Danielle Alexandra Schultz. When a dating ap is based solely on your pictures, it is an extreme blessing to have a hoard of gorgeous photos to choose from. I LOVE my Embraceable photos and these photos have given me the confidence needed to survive Tinder. I would never have expected Tinder to be a part of this #embraceablenow journey, but these past two weeks have been oddly empowering.

In the past two weeks I have received 100 “likes.” Nothing has come from most of them, but that’s 100 men who thought I was attractive enough to move their thumbs rightwardly and that’s as flattering as it gets in this 2016 techno-dating universe. More importantly, it’s training me to not care what people think of me. Swiping, matching, or not matching with so many people makes me understand how vast our humanity and its capacity for attraction truly is. He didn’t like me, oh well–there’s another 100 million+ single men on the planet. There’s no obsessing over why someone didn’t answer my clever message, because there’s absolutely no way of knowing why–so why bother dwelling on it? An infinite number of swipable humans results in infinite possibilities for both negative and positive results. And right now, I’m my most positive result.

Walking armed with my good photos, a quirky profile description, and new found fulfillment through this Embraceable journey, I feel good about who I am and what I bring to the dating pool. I feel like I am becoming my old self again–someone bolder, braver, and more fierce than the previous late-20’s Rachell model. If I learn nothing else from this Tinder thing, that’s enough. Or dare I say it with the most cheese possible–I’m learning to swipe right on me (*gags*).


This Weeks Facts: Weight:  207, thank you illness How do you feel?: Much better, thank you everyone for your concern.  Small Victory: I did not buy the dessert I wanted at the greatest bakery in Los Angeles Aroma Cafe  Biggest Disappointment: I did not exercise once this week. Though in my defense I would have had a severe coughing fit, so it’s all for the best.  Thing I appreciated about my body this week: I have very soft skin.  Reason I am #embraceablenow: Ashley thinks I’m funny ;).



3 Comments Add yours

  1. Azriel Crews says:

    Oh Tinder… it really is strange isn’t it? Please keep updating us with your Tinder-fellas, as I like to call them, the one and only guy I met from Tinder is still in my life almost 2 years later, so yes it’s not all hookups and shallow guys!


    1. Rachell says:

      Thank you Azi. You have given me hope


  2. PattiP0414 says:

    Glad you are feeling much better! I am loving the pictures!

    YAY to not buying the dessert you wanted! (I’m not sure if I would have been strong enough!)

    ❤ ❤


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