I love my body but I want to lose weight. I realized this right after accruing 150+ likes on Facebook in a recent bikini post. My entire life I told myself that the only way I would be happy with my body in a bikini is if I emerged from the water to a bevy of surfer boys and my bikini perfectly hugged my single digit sized body. A body I had acquired from probably going vegan or paleo and becoming a part-time yogi and CrossFit expert and So You Think You Can Dance level dancer.Fortunately, this was not the case. I went to the beach in an extra large sized bikini where I could not wait to cast aside my cover-up and bask in the sun.This was it. I had finally won the battle. I loved my body(rolls and all). Well, not quite. As I liked positive comments on my Facebook post I had another window open: Pinterest-Health and Fitness-Weight Loss.
Having this realization feels a bit like a oxymoron because I think I was led to believe that if I truly loved myself I would stop desiring to do crunches or stop beating myself up about eating my favorite foods. I thought loving my body meant that I had overcome the battle of self hatred and every morning I wouldn’t zero in on my faults in the mirror. Self acceptance was supposed to be a place of permanence; not a constant choice. I thought loving myself would be this passive, complacent, and inherent part of my new being. That is not true, but there is hope. Because now I want to lose weight AND I love my body. I want to lose weight as a means of loving myself and letting me live my best life. I now am no longer ruled by the idea of perfection, a number on a scale, or a size of pants. I want to be active because there are experiences that only come from me building endurance and gaining muscle. I want to do yoga because the stretching will be great for my body and will teach me to clear my mind. I want to start hiking purely for the satisfaction of putting it on Instagram in a cool filter. Weight loss is finally not the solution to making my life better but merely a part of the process like taking bubble baths occasionally or having a glass of wine with friends.
by April Guest Blogger LaShawn