Truth and Feelings

Well, Ryan Gosling had his second child with Eva Mendez a few weeks ago, so it is pretty safe to say we will never be together. A moment of silence for what could have been…


Now, I know, I know, I’m getting married to someone equally as wonderful as good old RyGos and there was really no chance of me being with him at any point, but there is something about the finality of it. Isn’t it funny how we feel these fleeting moments for celebrities that we truly don’t know at all?! You find out your favorite celebrity is now getting married, or having a baby, or is new best friends with some other celebrity and the immediate gut reaction is jealousy or loss of opportunity for ourselves, which is something we never had in the first place.


Celebrities are a huge part of our culture and most of us know a fair amount about many of them. Especially in this age of social media sharing we can be constantly connected to them. If you are a netflix binger (as I may be…) we can spend days at a time with various celebrities. We are attached to them and the art they make and we often feel like we know them. This has led me to some very interesting feelings in regards to one particular rare sub-section of celebrity: The plus size celebrity who loses weight.


As a plus size woman there is something so wonderful about a plus size celebrity who is universally loved and considered beautiful. It is especially wonderful when they seem to be unfazed by any commentary on their body and just go on making their art and living their lives. It makes me feel so hopeful for the future of accepted body types. It makes me feel good about my own body type. It makes me feel like, “yes! We can see other types of sexy, other types of athletic, other types of love interests, other types of intelligence!” So often plus size people are discounted and left out of consideration, and it is so refreshing to see a public figure remind the general population that we are valuable and interesting not despite out appearance, but also because if it.


However, is it just me or does it feel like a plus size celebrity doesn’t stay a plus size celebrity for long? And whether or not the feeling is valid (I am sure it is not) it always feels like a mild betrayal. It always feels a little bit like they never really believed they were beautiful enough to be there so they had to make a change to stay relevant. Which can make you think the same thing about yourself. Sometimes you just want to go, “Why?! Why JHUD? Adele? America Ferrera? Etc? You were perfect! And I felt like you understood me and now I don’t…” I always feel like I’ve lost one of my own.


Of course, none of this is actually valid. None of it is real, but I am not talking about the truth of the situation. I am talking about the way it feels. I am talking about all those messy feelings that make us human. Obviously all of those women have every right to change their bodies as they see fit! Hell, I am doing the same thing! I am actively trying to lose weight and it is not because I thought I was a horrible ugly monster before and no one would accept me. I am losing weight to be healthier and to feel better. I am doing it for no one but me. Really I could be losing weight for any reason and it wouldn’t have anything to do with anyone else. The reasons why a celebrity loses weight have nothing to do with me…that’s just not how it feels.


This is an important lesson I am learning about feelings and truth. Sometimes the way you feel is not the truth. You can’t fight a feeling really. If you feel it, you feel it. I really think that is ok. I think it is good even. You should always acknowledge your feelings and let yourself feel them all the way through. You don’t have to stuff them or try to change them, but you should also try to be aware of your feelings within the grander scheme of the truth of a situation and then decide how to act on your feelings. I have found that acknowledging my feelings has given me incredible power and has made me feel much more in control of my emotions.


So that now when one of my favorite celebrities suddenly gets so skinny I can hopefully see it not as a betrayal to me, but as an accomplishment for them. And I can take the fact that I self identified with them so strongly to mean that if they can make a change, I can too. Because that is the truth of situation.

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