Crave

Well, I made it through one week.

I woke up at 6:20 everyday last week and worked out for an hour before I went to work. I mean, I have basically become a grandma who is fighting sleep at 9:00pm each night, but I made it through.

I feel like there is a strange sort of addiction that comes with finally seeing some results in weight loss. I crave the satisfying moments of seeing a lower number on the scale or trying on something that ends up being too big. I realized the other day that I had lost 30 pounds and that was a full half of my original goal. In the beginning that sixty pound goal seemed so daunting. It felt so difficult to celebrate three pounds or five pounds because in the grand scheme that felt so small. It felt like it hardly made a dent. Now to think I could be halfway DONE?! That is motivating. I think that is what is getting me up at 6:20.

I know if I just keep pushing a little longer I can make it.  When I think about it, these last six months have gone by pretty quickly and relatively painlessly.  (Of course that is easy to say now as it is my rest day from working out and I am sitting in bed…). Not to say that it hasn’t been a struggle and it continues to be; I still hate working out, I still want to eat so many more slices of pizza, I want to drink beverages that are not water… but I think the struggle has been worth it. Even if only for the way I feel now.

Truly, I didn’t feel that bad before. I never thought I was ugly or unworthy of love, but I knew it would be healthier for me to change. And, of course, when I looked in the mirror I would often see things I didn’t necessarily “like”. Now, l look in the mirror and I feel so good, I think it isn’t even really based on the changes in my body, but I can see how good I feel now. I can see how proud and excited I am.

Maybe that is what people mean when they all tell you you will start to crave exercise and enjoy it.  That has yet to happen to me. I never crave it, or enjoy it, but I most certainly crave and enjoy seeing the benefits that have come from my efforts. I like that enough and I want it bad enough to get up at 6:20 am, and that is a new mindset for me.  And I like it.

Of course, I am still daunted by the thought of continuing this journey for literally the rest of my life, but who knows, my mindset could change on that as well.

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