My best friend Mikael hates the phrase “deserve her/him.” For example I will say, “He simply doesn’t deserve her.” Mikael will look at me, with the same look he has given me for eleven years (3% pity, 80% grace, and 17% silent lecture) and remind me that people are not awards to be earned. He tells me that people are all equal because we are all human beings to be cherish. I then give him the look I’ve given him for eleven years (80% yeah, but you’re pissing me off and 20% jealous of his moral surety). Despite Mikael’s determined mentoring of me, I have continued to see the dating world in this light — until recently.
The whole of my adult life I have based my interactions with men based upon one age-old question… are they in “my league.” When I enter a room with new people to meet, I separate the men into two categories first “in my league” and “out of my league.” Once these possibilities are determined (by an incredibly skewed and insulting scale to both of us), I find an in-my-league-er who seems the safest to talk to and strike up a conversation. I discover he is gay and go home. Not any more.
I am taking Mikael’s advice and deciding to give everyone in the world more credit. We all know we cannot choose who we are attracted to. Scientists have been trying to figure out the basis for sexual chemistry for centuries and the leading theories still predominantly result in “we don’t know.” If we cannot figure out why we are attracted to some people and not others then why do I automatically assume that Zac Efron will have no interest in me because I have frizzy hair and am 80lbs over weight? I am an incredibly worthwhile person with a great body and beautiful eyes. Zac would be lucky to have me.
I am tired of selling myself short. No one is out of my league– if fact, let’s annihilate the league all together. We deserve better than “she doesn’t deserve him.”